drama....like i need that.

why is it that the one guy we want so badly to like us is the one that usually takes the longest to step up to the plate?? ugh so annoying.
ok so here is a little back ground.
i have liked this one guy FOREVER. (that is almost a literal statement)
however i was really trying my hardest to move on and was doing a really good job at it but now i think that the boy i REALLYREALLY like is finally stepping up... maybe.
so now i have these two other guys that i have been talking to and now i feel like i have lead them on because i have been flirting with them but now that "the boy" is back in the picture these other two guys are not even remotely competition..
however these other two boys have no idea that they are completely out of their league and have become very clingy because i have been trying desperately to avoid them.
but yea so that is my life.
but i am really hoping that "the boy" is stepping up to the plate because he has matured a lot recently and i'm hoping that he will ask me out... = ] but if not i dont know what i will do.
stay tuned to see how it all turns out .......

roller coasters

as cliche as it sounds life really is a roller coaster ride. however the downs of life are not always near as fun as the roller coaster ride. why is that? because we are too busy wallowing and telling about how horrible our lives are. and i am one of those people that as soon as i hit a rough patch in my life i just stop caring. and that sounds awful but it is true. because i am so easily convinced that i am a failure because my dad is one of those people that thinks only a's are acceptable grades and then i get a bad grade after i studied for hours. so then i basically tell myself that if i am going to get bad grades when i am trying why bother trying. and in hind sight that makes absolutely no sense but i constantly beat myself up with talk like that.

in my first blog i talked about seeing things sunny side up and let me tell you i haven't really started seeing things any differently but i'm working on it.

innocence

so today i was at work and i was amazed once again at how innocent kids are.
it made me think about how (for lack of a better word) horrible our society is.
because i have no doubt that by the time those same innocent little kids will get to be teenagers and get into all kinds of bad things.
it really makes me what to protect like all kids from the world. lol that is where my "momy instinct" kicks on.
but seriously think about all the crap that either you or your friends have done...once you were that same innocent little kid that almost always wore a smile. what happened to that kid??

he loves me, he loves me not

"he loves me, he loves me not"
oh how i hate that phrase. because it pretty accurately describes the game that we as girls play in our head every single time we like a guy.
"oh he just smiled at me. he likes me for sure!"
"why would he ignore me like that. i guess he doesnt like me"

any girl that says that they have never had thoughts like that is lying and i will be the first to admit i am horrible about constantly needing approval from that ONE GUY. why do we care so much?? honestly, i want a guy to like me for me. yet at the same time i am constantly wanting him to think that i am awesome and i want him to think i am basically the BEST THING EVER. and i have done this on more than one occasion. i have literally changed how i act to please a guy. however i never seem to see how much i am changing for this guy until after its over.

so yea i'm not really sure what this blog was supposed to accomplish but this stuff has just kinda been on my mind. and no matter how much i tell myself that i dont need others approval i want it so much.... everyone wants to be liked.


okay another thing that has been on my mind is this whole business of me still liking this one boy. a little bit of background on the story.....
we flirted and everyone thought we were dating and i was basically head over heels
then he got a girlfriend... and i found out via facebook
yea that sucked
so then everything was SUPER akward
he broke up with the girlfriend a couple days ago and now we are flirting again = ]

and people have starting saying things like "i thought you were over him." and basically making fun of me for still liking this one guy and i really couldnt explain why i couldnt let him go. and then i was watching tv and someone said something along the lines of ..."the one you love is the one that everytime you hear something funny or you are sad or upset THAT PERSON is the one you want to run to and tell them all about it"
and this describes how i am feeling perfectly. everytime i'm mad or happy or whatever he is one of the first people i want to tell.

so you have prolly noticed that i am very much consumed with thoughts about relationships and such and i really to think about it way too much but i thought i would share becuase i can = ]

9-10-08

so today i found out that my long time crush is going to break up with his girl friend and i couldnt halp but be excited about that. and while i wish i could say that i wasnt expecting him to start liking me again ( because i am pretty positive he did previously ) i really am hoping that he does like me. my favorite favorite favorite grey's anatomy quote ( yes i am a grey's fan ) is when meredith says to derek "pick me, choose me, love me". this is basically exactly where i am at with this guy i like. however even though i have liked this one guy for so long since he had a girlfriend i was trying to move on and such and now i have another guy that i sort of like. but what i feel for this other guy is not even remotely close to what i feel for my long time crush and now i dont know if i should let my long time crush possibly hurt me again or go on and move on and forget about him.....
also today i starting practicing with a sabre which is awesome if you dont know what it is go look it up. but yea i killed my hand lol its so swollen.
but that is pretty much how my day went.
another day in the life of me
but this past week i have been very down about life and very apathetic and now i am determined to do i 180 and go back to being my normal self.. hence the name of my blog. i am going to try and see life sunny side up = ]